Monday

Toes

"Whosever toes touch further has slept with more people!"

We ran and slid underneath sheets of Plexiglass dangling from above. I slid nearly to the end, nearly to the wall. But you slid further. My toes rested gently against the Plexi sheets, and I kept them perfectly still because I thought an accurate reading would be important to determining the winner, but you kept your feet up, so they knocked around all of the sheets like windchimes. And it wasn't enough, so you laughed and swung your right leg out, onto my side, knocking around my sheets of fictional people I'd slept with as well.

We sat there giggling for a second, but it had been ages since I'd seen you last. Like every time, our pause gave way to emotions. But this time...

"Mia," I said, "I miss you desperately. All the time I miss you, all the time I wish you were with me." And I told you. I don't know how, I don't know what I said, but I know I told you. I could feel the tears welling up, but I wasn't looking at you, I was looking at my toes, and how many people I'd slept with, real or imagined.

You got serious, and I looked up at your eyes. They were glossy, which made mine drip.

"You have got to let me go. Whenever you're with other people, I'm holding you back from having anything real with them. You're not giving others a fair chance."

"I don't want to give others a fair chance. I want you to love me," is what I should have said. Maybe I did say it. You paused, pulled out a small bit of dark paper and charcoal and began drawing a circle over a drawing you'd already started, some sketch. It seemed meaningless.

I got your attention again, and our eyes met. They spoke for just a moment longer.

You got up and went outside, down the rocks, into the water. I followed you. You were drawing, you were laughing with the other boys outside, splashing about in the cool ocean pool below. I went down to the beach, walking along the sand. It was suddenly getting dusky as I made my way further and further. The mosquitoes started biting in a mean way, and the ocean getting just as cross, so I turned around and walked back.